What to Say When a Colleague Loses Someone: How Teams Can Show Up for a Grieving Coworker
The message came through quietly, just a short note letting the team know that one of their colleagues had lost someone very close to him and would be away for a while, and yet despite how brief it was, it changed the atmosphere completely.
Work didn’t stop, of course. Meetings stayed in the calendar, emails kept coming, and deadlines still existed. But underneath all of that, there was something else running through the team, a shared awareness that something much bigger than work had happened, something that no one quite knew how to respond to.
And without anyone saying it directly, a question started to sit with everyone:
What do we do when a colleague loses a loved one?
How do you support someone who is grieving?
At first, people tried to figure it out on their own, in those small in-between moments during the day. Someone would open a message, type a few words, then stop, reading it back and wondering if it sounded too formal or too personal, if it said too much or not enough. Someone else thought about reaching out, but paused, unsure whether it might feel intrusive at a time when space might be what was needed most. Others simply sat with the intention to do something, but didn’t quite know what that something should look like.
It wasn’t that people didn’t care.
If anything, it was the opposite.
They cared enough to worry about getting it wrong.
And when words feel too small for what someone is going through, it becomes surprisingly easy to say nothing at all, even when silence is the last thing you actually mean.
So a few days passed like that, in this quiet, well intentioned distance, where everyone was holding the same thought but expressing it in different, mostly invisible ways. Until one person suggested something simple.
“What if we create a Thankbox?”
Not as a big gesture, and not because it would fix anything, but as a gentle way to share condolences as a team, a space where people could show support without needing to find the perfect words on their own.
The idea landed because it removed the pressure. It didn’t ask anyone to write the “right” message, it simply gave them somewhere to say something, however small, whenever they felt ready.
The link went out to the team, with no expectations attached to it.
And slowly, over the next few days, messages started to appear.
They weren’t long or elaborate, and they didn’t try to reach for anything they couldn’t quite express. Instead, they stayed simple, grounded, human messages of condolences:
“Thinking of you during this time.”
“No need to reply, just wanted you to know we’re here.”
“Take all the time you need but when you are ready to come back, we will be here to support you.”
“You are the most incredible and supportive person I know and knowing that you are going through this difficult time, breaks my heart. I am here if you need support or strength.“
“I can’t begin to make this any better with words, but know that you are surrounded by strength, support and care.”
Some people added a short note about how much they appreciated working with him, keeping it appropriate for a workplace condolence message. Others simply acknowledged the moment, without trying to explain or soften it.
No one was trying to be perfect.
They were just showing up.
And over time, the Thankbox filled, not with carefully constructed messages, but with something far more meaningful, a collection of small, individual signals that, together, created something much bigger.
The Thankbox became a way for everyone’s feelings to come together into a capsule for the love and care that is felt for him.
When he eventually opened it, there was no pressure on him to respond to a raft of individual messages, no expectation to find words of his own. Instead there was a space he could move through at his own pace, reading message after message, each one different but carrying the same underlying thread.
And in a moment that can so often feel isolating, when the world seems too narrow and everything becomes very personal and very heavy, he was met with something else entirely.
Connection.
Be there for your colleagues, even in the difficult times
When someone on your team is going through a loss, a collective Thankbox gives everyone a simple way to show up - no pressure, no perfect words required. Create a shared space where your team can leave messages at their own pace, and give your colleague something to return to when they're ready.
Images: Cover
